T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house everyone felt shitty, even the mouse.
Dads at the whore house, mom's smokin' grass, and I just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang up from my piece to see what was the matter.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew right away that fat fucker fell.
He filled all the stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer!
He rose up the chimney with one hell of a fart, that son of a bitch blew my chimney apart! He swore and cursed as he flew out of sight.
Piss on you all and have one hell of a night!
MONEY IS SHORT AND TIMES ARE HARD YOU JUST GOT YOUR CHRISTMAS CARD.
-- Via Text Message - Original Author Unknown